The Heart of a Dragon
by Istarnie
Summary: Of Nerdanel's thoughts before Fëanor leaves for Formenos.


**The Heart of a Dragon**

Of Nerdanel's thoughts on the departure of Fëanor to Formenos.

(Disclaimer. All is Tolkien's. Only the interpretation and mistakes are mine. All references are from _The Silmarillion_ and _Morgoth's Ring_. J.R. R. Tolkien. Ed C. Tolkien )

(A/N. This piece was inspired by reading 'Making verses Hoarding' in Verlyn Flieger's book _'Splintered Light'_. Kent State university Press; and also by an e-mail from Ellie. Although the quote below is referring to Galadriel's perception of Fëanor, I am using the idea that Nerdanel is also partially affected by the shadow of evil, so that what she perceives may not all be correct. I originally posted this story in older style language - but now think it was rather difficult to read. )

"In him (Fëanor) she (Galadriel) perceived a darkness that she hated and feared, though she did not perceive that the shadow of the same evil had fallen upon the minds of all the Noldor, and upon her own."

(The Shibboleth of Fëanor. _The Peoples of Middle Earth_. J.R.R. Tolkien. Edited by C. Tolkien. )

The house of Curufinwë Fëanáro. Tirion. 1490

So you move your treasures from this house to a new place of keeping, my lord? A new, deep chamber you will build in the north in which you may contain all you hold dear – all you hoard unto yourself, all you desire to possess yet would deny unto others.

Ai, it is true that for our sons and your father you make an exception – they alone do you permit to gaze freely upon your greatest works of skill. But now I begin to wonder if you count _them _as but part of the riches of your House?

They go with you! All of our sons and their families go with you. All of your goods and treasures do you take with you - save one.

Even your father is now to be hidden from the greater part of the Noldor who would see and speak with him – safe in your fortress - in _your_ dwelling place to be. The greatest of treasures is he to you, as all do know – and now you have what your heart has long desired - his uninterrupted company. None may steal his time or affection from you. Nay – neither Indis, or your half-brothers, or sisters, or matters of Court may take your father from you.

The Great Jewels are _yours_ you state! You are their maker; without your skill they would not exist. The Valar only want them for their beauty; they would withhold them from the Eldar as they withhold light from the Hither Lands. Do _you _not withhold them; you who perceive yourself to be the noblest of Finwë's children – do _you_ not see them as possessions to keep, to wear as you will? Of surety the light of the Trees is for all to live in, not to be locked away in safekeeping, not for wearing as an adornment, nay, not even by one as mighty as you.

How has your heart changed, my beloved lord - that you forget the inner fire of the Silmarils is not of your own creating? For good reason, with noble intent did you labour in their making – and for the good of all. And you pored yourself into that recombining of silver and gold that all were amazed at your skills of craft and of lore. But you have come to love too well the works of your hands. You view the jewels increasingly as part of yourself – as heart of your heart! So it is that one who loved the beauty of light became one who sought to possess that beauty - and has now become the one possessed.

Possessed of a hardening heart that fell deeds and violent words matter not to you? Possessed of a tainted form of love – a greedy love, a selfish love. And have I not tried to speak with you, to give warning that any who seek to possess the light to the exclusion of others, do but lose sight of it altogether.

That pronouncement of Námo Mandos' upon you at Máhanaxar, you name it unjust - as indeed it seems to me – but you welcome it! Save for the most bitter humiliation to your person, you _welcome _this exile. Seven days is the term Mandos has set before you must depart Tirion, yet you will be gone long before that passage of time. I will not go with you into banishment. I will not be another treasure for you to lock away. I will not lose sight of the light, nor allow you to taint the love I have for you with further calls for rebellion against the Valar. And that my decision is not at all to your liking strangely brings me joy! Though of late our disagreements have been many, you still wish for my company; yet you do not seek to force me to leave - to possess me! So do we not still love each other, you and I? And that love one of the few things which remains untainted by the pervasive poison that mars so many of your recent deeds. Mayhap the deep chamber you seek to encase _yourself_ in has yet a chink that in time will let in the true light? Mayhap then can I be fully with you again, my lord and my love?

But for now, while you travel far to build your fortress, while you keep guard over all that you deem yours by right that none may take it from you – remember that for a greater purpose than hoarding the light were you born. For a great and noble purpose I believe it was, and for the glory of Arda. Oh, my beloved Spirit of Fire – remember that, though as strangers we must now become, the heart that beats within you is yet the fiery heart of my lover and husband; of a Prince of the Noldor, of an Elda – not the cold and greedy heart of a creature spawned of Melkor's design.

- - - - -

Notes.

Though I am obviously trying to liken some of Fëanor's characteristics to those of a dragon, I believe there were no dragons in existence until Morgoth wrought them from flame and sorcery in the pits of Angband in the First Age. (But I could be wrong!) The heart of a dragon I suspect is one of possessive greed and violence.


End file.
